Sexist Celebrities

It certainly seemed like an odd request when it came down from on high that the powers that be at Playboy wanted us to put together a list of sexist celebrities. “Every men’s site on the planet has their own Hot 100 list! We need to have one too!” That’s what they told us, and we certainly agreed. We just weren’t sure that a list of celebrities who disrespect the opposite sex was the right way to go. Wouldn’t a list of 100 sexy women be more in order? That’s a pretty neat thing to do these days.

But if we’ve learned one thing, it’s that you don’t question the people who sign your paychecks, so we went along with it.

Well, it turns out it was all a misunderstanding. They didn’t want a list of “sexist” celebrities. They wanted a list of “sexiest” celebrities. There was just a typo in that initial email. But by the time we figured that out, we already had this list finished. So, we decided to run it anyway. Maybe we’ll get to that list of “sexiest” celebrities some other day.

As for now, here are 69 Sexist Celebrities.

69. Warren Moon

Warren Moon, an NFL legend who played quarterback for more teams than we have time to list (four, actually, but we’re chronically lazy), was arrested in July, 1995 on domestic violence charges after his then wife claimed he beat her during an incident at their home. Granted, his wife later recanted the story, even going so far as to admit that she was the aggressor, and Moon was acquitted of all charges by a jury, but that just means he got beat up by a girl, so it’s still hilarious.

Wait, is that sexist of us to say?

68. Richard Keys

During a Premier League match (that’s soccer, or “football” if you actually watch it), game announcer Richard Keys thought his microphone was turned off when he made disparaging remarks about a female assistant referee named Sian Massey. Exhibiting his disdain for female officials, Keys said: “Somebody better get down there and explain offside to her.”

Yeah, you better explain it to us, also. But maybe let us get some coffee first.

67. Andy Gray

Richard Keys wasn’t alone in the booth when he made his sexist comments about Siam Massey. His partner in crime, Andy Gray, responded to the remark by adding “Can you believe that? A female linesman. Women don’t know the offside rule.”

Both men were eventually fired over the remarks. But in their defense, they were probably just doing whatever they could to make soccer interesting. It’s not easy, you know.

66. Cristy Fermin

A women’s advocacy group in the Philippines, the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women – Asia Pacific, denounced television host Cristy Fermin for making “sexist statements which condone abuse of women.” In particular, they took issue with this quote:

“…dalawang lalaking personalidad lang ang parang pinapayagan ng publiko na maging ‘matulis.’ Si Rico J. Puno lang at saka si Willie. Pag sila ang nag-deliver para bang malaking karangalan mo pag mabastos ka.”

Oh no she didn’t!

65. American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons

How sexist is the American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons? Approximately this sexist:

“There is a substantial and enlarging body of medical opinion that these deformities [small breasts] are really a disease.”

That’s from an internal memo they issued in 1992. On the bright side, women who get implants are now free to claim they did it for “health reasons.”

64. Clinton Portis

Ladies and gentlemen, Washington Redskins running back Clinton Portis, on the subject of female reporters in NFL locker rooms:

“You know, somebody’s got to spark her interest, or she’s going to want somebody. I don’t know what kind of woman won’t, if you get to go and look at 53 men’s bodies.”

To be fair, we’re still on the fence as to whether these comments reveal some underlying sexist tendencies, or if Clinton Portis just really wants to bang a dude.

63. Portia De Rossi

Look, we’re fine with homosexuality, especially the kind that involves two women. But when someone as smoking hot as Portia de Rossi hitches her wagon to someone like Ellen DeGeneres, it’s sending a pretty clear message. That message is, “I like dudes, but I hate penis.” Not cool, Portia. We were born this way.

62. Gene Simmons

Gene Simmons’ crimes against women are too numerous to go into detail here. But here’s a tasty quote from his recent book, Sex Money Kiss:

If you stay at home and do the housework, you’re a pansy.

Hey, Simmons, stay at home mother is an honorable profession, you jerk! And besides, any man should be lucky to have such a stress-free gig.

61. Koko the Gorilla

But TSJ, how can an adorable gorilla like Koko possibly be sexist? Well, first of all, gorillas aren’t adorable, they’re cold-blooded killing machines. Secondly, it turns out Koko is quite possibly the animal kingdom’s preeminent sexual harasser.

Former gorilla caretakers Nancy Alperin and Kendra Keller sued for $1 million in damages after they were fired for refusing to flash their breasts to indulge Koko’s titty fetish. If you think we’re making that up, rest assured, we are not.

60. Donald Trump

You probably think we’re going to call The Donald out for his remarks about Rosie O’Donnell being a “fat pig.” But you’re wrong, we’re a comedy site, we live for confrontations like that. They are the fuel that keep our engines revving.

We do take issue with his comments about actress and full on smoke show Anne Hathaway, though. You might remember that she famously dated an Italian dude named Raffaello Follieri. Here’s what Trump had to say when the pair broke-up:

“So when he had plenty of money, she liked him. But then after that, not as good, right?”

Right, it could be that. God knows lead actresses don’t make much cash. But we suspect that the failure of the relationship had more to do with the fact that Follieri stole like $50 million in what came to be known as the Vati-Con Scandal.

59. Sue Barker

We must admit, it’s kind of refreshing to see a woman on this list for a reason other than our blatant assholishness (See: Portia de Rossi). Sue Barker was canned from her gig as host of the BBC’s Question of Sport after audio surfaced of her making sexist comments about a male guest.

In the clip, Barker can be clearly heard making the following statements about professional darts legend (really?) Phil Taylor:

“Look at the arse on that. You could park your bike down there. He might be as thick as two-short planks, but out of two I’d give him one. He’s useless on the show but I tell the producers we need him – well I like a bit of eye candy you know.”

Hey, lady, men are more than just eye candy. We’re good at lots of other things too! Like, you know, playing darts and shit. Also, we have no idea what at least half of that statement even means.

58. Dick Armey

Dick Armey’s first crime came when he leaned on an age old tactic for quelling an argument with a woman, in this case Salon.com’s Joan Walsh, when he went the ol’ “I’m glad I’m not married to you!” route. Behold:

I’m so glad that you could never be my wife because I surely wouldn’t have to listen to that prattle from you every day.

Bitches do be prattling, y’all. Just joking. We love the ladies. And aside from those pigheaded remarks, what’s with the name? Dick Armey? Vaginas are in the army now too, jackass.

57. Paul LePage

You know that health scare that’s been going around about a chemical called BPA in plastic water bottles? Republican Governor Paul LePage used it as an opportunity to flex his “I hate women” and his “I don’t understand science” muscles simultaneously when he dismissed the issue by saying “The only thing that I’ve heard is if you take a plastic bottle and put it in the microwave and you heat it up, it gives off a chemical similar to estrogen. So the worst case is some women may have little beards.”

56. John Key

You probably have a couple of questions here. For one, who the hell is John Key? Once you’ve solved that riddle, you’ll likely want to know what he did to make this list. Don’t worry, we’re going to clear it all up for you right now.

John Key is the Prime Minister of New Zealand who found himself labeled as a sexist after having the audacity to call British actress Elizabeth Hurley “hot.” He said the same thing about Jessica Alba and Angelina Jolie.

What a jerk! A total, absolutely, positively correct jerk!

55. Ron Franklin

During a production meeting prior to a broadcast of the Chic Fil-a Bowl, ESPN analyst Ron Franklin addressed sideline reporter Jeannine Edwards by saying “Listen to me, sweet baby.”

It’s all good though. Edwards informed Franklin that she didn’t appreciate being spoken to in such a condescending manner, and Franklin immediately backed off his sexist conversation path with a more politically correct “Alright then, listen to me asshole.”

That’s better.

54. Silvio Berlusconi

We have a hard time deciding if Silvio Berlusconi hates women, or just loves them a bit too much. He certainly spends a lot of money on them, if you know what we mean (we mean he loves prostitutes). But he also spends a lot of time saying things like there will never be enough troops to protect all of the “beautiful girls” of Italy from being raped or telling a 73-year-old female opponent during a debate that she’s “prettier than she is smart.” Nice!

53. Sally Kern

We promise, a Democrat will make this list eventually. But for right now, the Republicans have the sexist remark game on lock down. Take Oklahoma Republican Sally Kern, for example. She has some interesting opinions on why women earn less money than their male counterparts:

“I’m not saying women don’t work hard. Women like…to have a moderate work life with plenty of time for spouse and children and other things like that. … They work very hard, but sometimes they aren’t willing to commit their whole life to their job like a lot of men do.”

But Kern is certainly a shining example of the fact that, when women do commit to their jobs like men do, they’re just as capable of being total dickheads about it.

52. Martin Luther

The 1500′s were a slightly different time than the world as we know it now. So when Martin Luther said “Women should remain at home, sit still, and bear children,” everyone within earshot likely just nodded in approval. But people back then also died from polio, that doesn’t mean we should still do it.

51. Don Imus

You know why Howard Stern gets away with saying whatever raucous shit he wants while Don Imus was burned at the stake for calling a women’s basketball team “nappy headed hoes?” Because Howard Stern doesn’t look like he means it. Imus, on the other hand, looks like the Crypt Keeper during the intro to a very special Branch Davidian-themed episode of Tales From the Crypt. We assume everything this off-putting bastard says is tinged with a little bit of evil.

50. UB40

“Afterward she thinks she’s staying the night. I politely ask her to leave…I give her five minutes and then throw her clothes just outside the door. She opens the door and leans to pick them up. I kick her out and phone security.”

That quote is attributed to a member of the horrific British band UB40, speaking on his technique for getting rid of groupies. We’re not sure which one said it, and we aren’t researching it, because we wish to continue living in a fantasy world in which shitty bands like UB40 don’t have groupies.

49. Ross Perot

When addressing the issue of female reporters who ask tough questions, Ross Perot concluded that “They are trying to prove their manhood.”

How did this guy not get elected?

48. Mark Haines

CNBC anchor Mark Haines is not one for sentimentality. When a ridiculously blown call cost Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga a perfect game, Haines’ co-host Erin Burnett mentioned that the umpire and Galarraga’s graciousness after the disaster made for a more memorable moment than a perfect game ever could have.

To that, Haines replied “See, this is why women aren’t in charge of sports.”

That’s pretty harsh, no matter how ridiculous her statement may have been (very).

But he’s dead now, so it’s all forgiven we reckon.

47. Vienna Philharmonic

It’s standard practice for orchestra auditions to take place with a screen set up between the judges and the person auditioning. Why? Because it encourages objectivity in the selection process. The Vienna Philharmonic, however, doesn’t adhere to this tradition. As a result, women and minorities make up just about 2% of the Vienna Philharmonic’s membership.

Just a coincidence? Well, in his 1970 memoirs, one-time artistic director Otto Strasser spoke about a “grotesque situation” that occurred where the best identified candidate for a violin position turned out to be Japanese when they lowered a screen. So there’s that. There’s also the fact that the Vienna Philharmonic added their first full-time female member in 1997. The woman, harpist Anna Lelkes, had been performing as a “non-member” for 20 years. Nothing suspicious about that!

46. Wikipedia

Do women know stuff? We’re pretty sure they do, so why is it that only 13% of Wikipedia contributors are female? Can we chalk it up to sexism? Possibly. Or maybe it’s just that men are more likely to be dumb enough to work for free than women.

There’s only one way to solve that riddle. We’re going to need to see the Huffington Post’s contributor list.

45. Tiger Woods

Look, we’re mostly putting Tiger Woods on the list because people in the comments section would howl if we didn’t. But honestly, if the world found out that some sexy female golfer was throwing the occasional charity bang to some lowly Perkins busboy, we’d probably make up some kind of award to give her.

44. New York Jets

Controversy erupted when reporter Ines Sainz Tweeted about how several members of the New York Jets made her feel uncomfortable by whistling and making catcalls in her direction while she tried to interview Mark Sanchez. Seriously, can’t a woman do her job without some guy…

…HOLY SHIT!

43. Judge Sotomayor

When defending themselves against charges that they should be in the kitchen whipping up sandwiches and not deciding some of the most important cases in all the land, Supreme Court Justices Sandra Day O’Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsberg often invoked the famous notion that a wise old man and a wise old woman would reach the same conclusion when deciding cases. And then, Sonia Sotomayor came along and shot that notion right to hell by saying “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.”

Hey, lady, what have white men ever done to deserve that kind of dickery?

42. Nick Bideau

We know, you’ve been reading this list so far thinking just one thing…”where the hell is Nick Bideau?”

What’s that? You’ve never heard of Nick Bideau? Yeah, neither have we. At least we hadn’t until we started researching this list. Turns out Nick Bideau won an Ernie Award in Australia, which recognizes the most sexist and misogynistic statements of the year. Wait, what?

Anyway, Bideau earned his Ernie Award when he commented that he “…never turned away from Cathy, no matter how fat she was in 1997, or even in 1998.”

The Cathy in question is world champion sprinter Cathy Freeman. In other news, we don’t know who that is, either. USA! USA!

41. Kevin Rudd

When reporter Latika Bourke asked Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd why his leadership was in crisis, Rudd responded thusly:

“Well, that’s a point of language which you have used which is dramatically consistent with the dress which you have chosen today. It’s a great tie, it’s a nice hat, I like it a lot.”

Okay, first of all, fucking what? Second, somebody get this guy an Ernie Award!

40. Joe Namath

So, is it just our skewed interpretation of things, or is the combination of sports and female reporters a veritable minefield of inappropriate sexual comments? The #40 spot on this list once again goes to a sleazy (and in this case, hilariously drunken) athlete making crass statement to a woman trying to do her job.

This time around, the aggressor is New York Jets legend Joe Namath and the victim is ESPN sideline reporter Suzy Kolber. When she asked Broadway Joe what he thought about the Jets struggles as a team, Namath summoned up the maximum amount of class imaginable and responded with “I wanna kiss you. I couldn’t care less about the team struggling.”

Wow. We shudder to think what he would have said if it would have been Erin Andrews instead of Suzy Kolber.

39. Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. has written some of the most enduring novels of all-time. Unfortunately, he also wrote this:

“Educating a woman is like pouring honey over a fine Swiss watch. It stops working.”

Yeah, but we bet it was a dude who was dumb enough to conduct the Swiss-watch-drenched-in-honey experiment that paved the way for that quote.

38. Zsa Zsa Gabor

Zsa Zsa Gabor has an interesting theory on love…

“A woman who has never been hit by a man has never been loved.”

Is that true, ladies? Because if it is, our Valentine’s Day budget just got a whole lot more manageable.

37. Jason Kidd

Athletes and domestic violence seem to go together like chocolate and peanut butter. But if the allegations made against Jason Kidd by his ex-wife, Joumana, are true, then Kidd is a surefire first-ballot Domestic Violence Hall of Fame shoe-in.

Joumana Kidd claims the all-star point guard started beating her even before they got married (always a bad sign) and has since assaulted her with everything from a large rock to a cookie. No shit. She also alleged that Kidd engaged in extramarital affairs with Nets season ticket holders, New Orleans cheerleaders, New Orleans strippers, Indiana strippers and just about anything else that moved. He would also allegedly purchase expensive jewelry to relieve the marital tensions after his multiple transgressions.

Never let it be said that Kobe Bryant never learned anything from those who came before him.

36. The Navy

One of the darkest periods in Navy history came during the 35th Annual Tailhook Association Symposium from September 8–12, 1991 in Las Vegas, Nevada. It was there that U.S. Navy officers are alleged to have sexually assaulted at least 87 women. Hell, even seven men came forward to claim they were assaulted. Hooray for equality! Also, thanks for getting bin Laden for us!

35. Michael Caine

Hey, ladies of the United States, how many of you have ever fantasized about getting it on with a still-in-his-prime Michael Caine? If so, you’ll be crushed to know what kind of good times you missed out on. Check it:

“American girls are like horses, very independent. They have never been controlled by anybody. But if you can break them in, they are very grateful.”

Yes, what woman doesn’t enjoy a good breaking in?

34. David Letterman

We’re certainly not going to call David Letterman sexist for having multiple affairs over the course of his long career. That would make this list about 1,000 entries long. But a former Letterman staffer, Nell Scovell, contends that things were much worse than just a few affairs around the late night legend’s office:

“Did Dave hit on me? No. Did he pay me enough extra attention that it was noted by another writer? Yes. Was I aware of rumours that Dave was having sexual relationships with female staffers? Yes. Was I aware that other high-level male employees were having sexual relationships with female staffers? Yes. Did these female staffers wield power disproportionate to their job titles? Yes. Did that create a hostile work environment? Yes. Did I believe they were benefiting professionally from their personal relationships? Yes. Did that make me feel demeaned? Completely.”

Does Nell Scovell enjoy rhetorical questions? Yes.

33. Ted Turner

Questioning whether or not you should get a divorce? If so, Ted Turner has some solid advice for you:

“Henry VIII didn’t get divorced, he just had his wives’ heads chopped off when he got tired of them. That’s a good way to get rid of a woman – no alimony.”

That’s cool, Jesus told us divorce is an abomination anyway.

32. Isiah Thomas

It’s often said that sexual harassment numbers are underreported because allegations are often difficult to prove. So how much of a slime ball do you have to be for a judge to actually find you guilty of sexual harassment in a court of law? That’s what happened when Anucha Browne Sanders, a former New York Knicks employee, filed a successful lawsuit against Isiah Thomas. It’s alleged that, at first, Thomas would berate Browne Sanders, often referring to her as a “bitch” and a “ho.” But that all blew over when Thomas decided he’d rather constantly pressure the woman to sleep with him instead.

There was a silver lining to the situation though. All of the off court controversy took some attention away from the fact that, under Isiah Thomas, the Knicks were one goddamn horrible basketball team.

31. Barry Goldwater

Women in the military? Barry Goldwater was having none of it. “Women are hard enough to handle now, without giving them a gun,” said the former Presidential candidate. We fail to see how this somehow makes the idea of female soldiers a bad thing.

30. Omar Sharif

Actor Omar Sharif knows what the ladies like.

“Deep down every woman loves the idea of a sheik carrying her off on his white horse and raping her in his tent. It’s a basic feminine instinct.”

Raise your hand if you’re turned on, ladies!

29. Gary Barnett

Katie Hnida was a rarity in college football, being one of the only females to earn a spot on a Division I squad. During her time with the team, she was routinely harassed. This harassment eventually culminated in an allegation that she was raped by a teammate. When coach Gary Barnett was asked about it, he expressed shock at the deplorable treatment and promised to do everything he could to make sure nothing like this ever happened again. Just joking! He actually said this:

“It was obvious Katie was not very good. She was awful. You know what guys do? They respect your ability. You can be 90 years old, but if you can go out and play, they’ll respect you. Katie was not only a girl, she was terrible. OK? There’s no other way to say it.”

Classy!

28. Sir Mix-a-Lot

Having a hit song that objectifies women is one thing, but building an entire career around objectifying women is completely unacceptable. And that’s exactly what Sir Mix-A-Lot has done.

That said, it’s not entirely his fault. It’s just that “Baby Got Back” was pretty much his entire career (with all due respect to “Posse on Broadway,” which was the fucking JAM).

27. Clarence Thomas

If anyone was outraged that the previously mentioned Justice Sotomayor was named to the Supreme Court despite her controversial remarks, they at least shouldn’t have been surprised. It’s not like there’s no precedent for it.

Back when Clarence Thomas was going through Senate confirmation hearings, Anita Hill testified that Thomas was a sleaze bucket of the highest order:

“He spoke about acts that he had seen in pornographic films involving such matters as women having sex with animals and films showing group sex or rape scenes. On several occasions, Thomas told me graphically of his own sexual prowess.”

There was also a weird incident where he casually asked Hill who the scoundrel responsible for placing pubic hair on his Coke can was. Our team of researchers remain divided as to whether this is a euphemism of some sort or if Thomas is just a total fucking weirdo.

26. Tony Kornheiser

Lovable co-host of ESPN’s Pardon the Interruption, Tony Kornheiser, went off the rails in a major way when his ESPN colleague wore a particularly tight sweater on the Sports Center set.

“She looks like she has sausage casing wrapping around her upper body…come on now! Stop! What are you doing? She’s what I would call a Holden Caulfield fantasy at this point.”

Actually, we’ve heard much worse before. Kornheiser doesn’t really deserve a spot this high on the list, but we loathed his time in the Monday Night Football booth, so he gets a boost in the rankings for that. And for cursing us with Jon Gruden as a replacement when he left.

25. Bob Packwood

“Grabbed Tracy Gorman behind the Xerox machine today and she got a little pissed. What’s the big deal? I was smiling while I did it. She made this big stink about it and it took me about two hours and a couple of thousand dollars to calm her down. I have one question — if she didn’t want me to feather her nest, why did she come into the Xerox room? Sure, she used that old excuse that she had to make copies of the Brady Bill, but if you believe that, I have a room full of radical feminists you can boff. She knew I was copying stuff in there. I had my jacket off and my sleeves rolled up, revealing the well-defined musculature of my sinewy arms which are always bulging with desire. I know what she wanted. This didn’t require a lot of thought.”

What you’ve just read is not torn from the tawdry pages of a drugstore romance novel. They are from the diary of disgraced former Republican Senator Bob Packwood. After allegations of sexual misconduct surfaced, his diary was somehow entered into evidence during the resulting investigation. This begs an obvious question…why in the hell would you write this shit in your diary?

24. Bill Clinton

Oh, the burning question…was Paula Jones telling the truth? Hell, was Anita Hill telling the truth? We honestly have no idea in either case. We’re just basing all of this on the testimony of others, because that’s how the Internet works. And, sorry Democrats, but the allegations against Bill Clinton are far more serious than the allegations against Clarence Thomas. Thomas just made some crude statements and complained about pubes on his soda can.

Paula Jones alleges that Bill Clinton sent a state trooper to pull her off the job and escorted her to meet Clinton in a hotel suite, where Clinton proceeded to grope her, expose himself and demand oral sex. You have to admit, that’s kind of worse. Kind of.

23. Dov Charney

We know, this guy certainly doesn’t look like a creepy sexual weirdo, but you’re just going to have to take our word for it. The maniac you’re looking at is Dov Charney. He’s the founder of American Apparel, a company you might know for having some of the sexiest advertising in the history of forever.

Unfortunately, he’s also known to parade around the American Apparel offices in nothing but pink underwear, all while regularly referring to female staffers as “sluts.” He also allegedly once held a one on one meeting with a female staffer while wearing nothing but a “cock sock,” which is exactly what it sounds like. Here’s hoping that American Apparel ad we included here is enough to keep that unfortunate image from being permanently burned into your brain.

22. Di Tzeitung

Di who? Di “Hasidic newspaper that Photoshopped any evidence of women, including Secretary of State Clinton, out of the now famous bin Laden situation room photo.” That’s who.

21. Arnold Schwarzenegger

We’re not normally the type of site that kicks a person when they’re down, but, well, we’re about to do just that.

The Governator has been all over the news for, you know, having a kid with his housekeeper. To make matters worse, she delivered her baby the same damn week that Maria Shriver delivered another of Arnold’s offspring. But Arnold’s awful doesn’t begin or end there. Check out this good stuff from an article in Premiere Magazine:

One journalist alleges that he saw Arnie and his Total Recall co-star Rachel Ticotin “making out” at a nightclub. A producer of Terminator 2: Judgment Day reports seeing Schwarzenegger come out of his trailer and, spotting a female crew member, “put his hands inside her blouse”. Another ‘observer’ says, “Schwarzenegger laughed, ‘I went after the woman. She was hysterical but refused to press charges for fear of losing her job.’ It was disgusting.” According to another ‘witness’, Arnie and his wife were playing tennis when “Maria started throwing up. She couldn’t play, and Arnold started berating her and then stomped off the court. At noon that day, the smiling couple announced that Maria was pregnant.”

Classy, Arnold. Real classy.

20. Mike Tyson

Hey, how did Mike Tyson get on this list? We certainly didn’t put him here? Beat Robin Givens? Unsubstantiated rumor, that’s what that is. Innocent until proven guilty, that’s what we say.

What’s that? He was convicted of rape? Well, we don’t watch the news much so, you know, whatever.

Let’s just move on. Please don’t punch us, champ.

19. Bill O’Reilly

Do we need to explain this one? Because we don’t have all damn day here. He claims women “need” male breadwinners, he said Helen Thomas sounds like “the Wicked Witch of the East” and, if you need more evidence, he once claimed that “he can’t help but be sexist.” So he said it, not us.

18. John McEnroe

Women can do everything a man can do! Except play a bunch of tennis matches in one year!

That pretty much summarizes John McEnroe’s take on the workload that women on the professional tennis circuit face, where Mac claims they’re being forced to compete in more matches “than they’re capable of.”

Oh, and he also once stated that female analysts shouldn’t be allowed to work male tennis matches. Because, you know, if they’re busy calling the match, who’s gonna bring the dudes watching it beer and stuff?

Just joking, dudes don’t watch tennis.

17. Burt Reynolds

We’re going to be honest here. Aside from the fact that he once said that “Marriage is the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done,” we don’t have much to justify including Burt Reynolds so high on this list. But look at that fucking picture! We can’t just bury it in the middle somewhere, can we? It’s glorious!

16. Warren Beatty

When you reach a certain level of success, it’s important to give a little back, if for no other reason than to make sure you never forget the meager means from which you came. Warren Beatty demonstrated this in 1979 when he famously said “charity is taking an ugly girl to lunch.”

Suck it, homeless people!

15. Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen is the Internet’s current favorite train wreck after, you know, saying “Winning!” and stuff. But all of this tiger blood celebrating seems to ignore the repeated claims that Charlie Sheen is an abusive maniac who hasallegedly pulled knives on his former wives and threatened to have them killed.

Even if none of it is true, his current shenanigans aren’t enough to change one indisputable fact: Two and a Half Menis a fucking awful show.

14. Bob Barker

Sure, we could go into detail about the sexual harassment suits that put a bit of a black eye on Bob Barker’s skinny-microphoned reign as host of The Price Is Right, but why bother with words when you can just watch this instead?

Did you watch it? That’s a good little girl. Now reach in our pocket, we have something for you.

13. Bobby Riggs

Bobby Riggs, at the age of 55, decided to get himself back in the tennis spotlight by proclaiming to anyone who would listen that the women’s tennis game was soft and that he could defeat any woman who challenged him. And he did defeat the first woman who challenged him, Margaret Court. The publicity he gained landed him on the cover of Sports Illustrated and, were he smart, he could have stopped there, forever cementing his manly dominance.

Instead, he challenged another woman, Billie Jean King. Having seen the first match, she took him up on the offer and soundly stomped him in straight sets.

There’s a famous internet myth making the rounds these days that claims the match between King and Riggs was played under modified rules that favored King. Sounds great, but it’s not true. Those amended rules did apply to a match between Jimmy Connors and Martina Navratilova two decades later, but as for Bobby Riggs, he got beat fair and square. By a girl.

12. Norman Mailer

Acclaimed writer Norman Mailer certainly knew how to push people’s buttons. During a speech at the University of California at Berkeley, he famously announced that “A little bit of rape is good for a man’s soul.”

We have no jokes to go along with that, because it’s not funny. You know what else isn’t funny? The fact that later in the same speech, he invited “all the feminists in the audience to please hiss.” Several of them did, at which point he replied “obedient little bitches.”

Okay, maybe that last one is kind of funny.

11. Burlington Industries

Well this is an odd entry. Why is Burlington Industries on a list of celebrity sexists? Because they’re trend setters in their field, that’s why. When Kimberly Ellerth landed a job in the company’s Chicago office, things quickly turned ugly when her boss began repeatedly making unwanted sexual advances towards her. She never filed a complaint with the company, and she never lost a promotion or raise as a result of refusing his advances, but she did eventually quit due to the ordeal.

And then, she filed a lawsuit. Burlington lawyers argued that her case had no merit because she never filed any complaints. The Supreme Court eventually disagreed. It was a dark day in legal history for scumbags far and wide.

10. Pat Robertson

Bible thumpers just love to quote Pat Robertson on all things moral. Here’s a quote they tend to conveniently ignore:

“Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

Lesbians? We’re listening!

9. Keith Hernandez

First off, can we acknowledge that the above photo is quite possibly the greatest baseball image of all-time? Great, now that we agree on that, let’s get to the other stuff. Check out this play by play exchange from a 2006 Mets vs. Padres game, featuring Keith Hernandez in the broadcast booth:

Keith Hernandez: “Who’s the girl in the dugout with the long hair? What’s going on here? You gotta’ be kidding me.”

Gary Cohen: “She’s excited. Got a fist bump and everything.”

Keith Hernandez: “We’ll get back to her. I’m not through with her.”

A few minutes later…

Keith Hernandez: “I thought she was Morganna (referring to the woman who for more than two decades became baseball’s unofficial mascot by jumping onto fields and kissing unsuspecting players) for a minute, but she wasn’t a blonde. I won’t say women belong in the kitchen, but they don’t belong in the dugout.”

Gary Cohen: “There’s only trouble brewing if you say that, you know.”

Keith Hernandez: “You know I am only teasing. I love you gals out there. I always have. Only in California. I just can’t believe it. You think you’ve seen everything and, you know, there’s always something new.”

After what had to be a landslide of phone calls from angry viewers…

Keith Hernandez: “I know I made some strong statements that she didn’t belong in the dugout. I stand by those statements. I think it’s a man’s game.”

8. Glenn Beck

Meghan McCain recently filmed a PSA about the dangers of skin cancer. Both of her parents have had skin cancer, you see, so it’s kind of a big deal to her. In the ad, she appears to be nude (she’s actually wearing a strapless dress) and speaks on the importance of wearing sunscreen. It’s a noble cause, and in typical fashion, Glenn Beck handled it in the least noble way imaginable.

Oh Glenn, must you make it so easy for people to hate you?

7. Rush Limbaugh

Nothing segues into some vintage Rush Limbaugh lunacy like a clip of Glenn Beck. Rush is an old hand when it comes to the sexism game. Way back in 1991 he was dropping quotes like this gem:

“Feminism was established to allow unattractive women access to mainstream society.”

Damn. Just…damn.

6. Ben Roethlisberger

Chris Rock has a famous bit about how his main job as a father is to keep his daughter off the stripper pole. It’s an excellent point, but fathers everywhere should at least spend a little time also making sure their daughters steer clear of goddamn Ben Roethlisberger. This guy attracts sexual assault lawsuits like Obama attracts conspiracy theorists.

Granted, he’s never been convicted of any wrongdoing, so all of his transgressions amount to mere allegations. But when your sexual assault allegations equal your number of Super Bowl rings, there’s a pretty big problem at hand.

5. Sean Connery

Oh how the ladies swoon over Sean Connery. It could be the voice, it could be the striking eyes, or maybe, they’re just punch drunk. In light of this famous quote, it’s a possibility that must be considered:

“I don’t think there is anything wrong with hitting a woman. I don’t, though, recommend hitting a woman in the way you hit a man.”

Hey, we know someone who probably should have taken this quote to heart!

4. Chris Brown

Wear all the bow ties you want, Chris Breezy, the world will always remember you as the dude who punched Rihanna in the face. And then they’ll remember that you went on Good Morning America and freaked the hell out when someone had the gall to ask you about said punching. And then, they’ll remember that during the ensuing tirade, you smashed a window. And finally, they’ll remember that window was named Leann and it had three smaller windows to support when you savagely took its life in a blind rage. You’re a monster, Chris Brown.

But hey, at least you’re not…

3. Ike Turner

Ike Turner beat so much Tina Turner ass, his name might as well be a verb. As in, “woman, if you don’t shut your mouth, I will Ike Turner the shit out of you!” Rest assured, there isn’t a woman alive who wouldn’t know exactly what that means.

2. Barbie

People love to accuse Hollywood and the media of instilling unrealistic ideals of beauty in impressionable young girls’ heads, but someone else is getting to the girls of the world way before most anyone else even has a chance. That someone, is Barbie. She’s got the perfect life, she’s got the perfect car, she’s got the perfect boyfriend and she’s got an insane figure. How insane? Well, if scaled to life size, the average Barbie would be 5’9″ with approximate measurements of 36/18/33. It’s estimated that Barbie’s BMI would be somewhere in the 16.24 range, which more than qualifies as anorexic.

But Mattel has taken their foot off of the “vomit after you eat” accelerator somewhat. Back in the 1960s, some Barbie dolls were released that included books called How to Lose Weight. One of the instructions: “Don’t eat!” They’ve at least stopped doing that.

So what came first, the waif-like supermodel you blame for poisoning the mind of young girls, or the Barbie she grew up to try and look like?

1. God

Ever hear a religious zealot spout some insanely sexist nonsense about “a woman’s place” and wonder how they could think so primitively? Simple, they’re just being good Christians. Don’t let us tell you though. It’s right in the Bible:

1 Corinthians 11:7 – 9

7 For a man indeed ought not to cover [his] head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.
8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.
9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

1 Corinthians 14:34 – 35

34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but [they are commanded] to be under obedience, as also saith the law.
35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

Ephesians 5:22 – 25

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.

1 Timothy 2:9 – 15

9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

Amen?